What's funny about the story I am about to tell is that I just told one of my close friends that lately I've had this strange feeling that one of us would have the rug abruptly pulled out from under us. I am typically a positive person, as most can attest to, but I am cautiously optimistic when it comes to anything I come across in the course of my life.
Sure enough, at work on Friday one of our employees announced his relocation. Losing him bummed us out, particularly because business was running smoothly once he assumed a lead role. He executed his job above and beyond our expectations, and on a personal level we got to know him and ultimately grew a mutual admiration and respect for everything he did for us. We got over the sadness, however, since his move is a result of Vegas' horrible job market and his wife scored a sweet job in the Midwest. "That's life," I told him, pointing to the fact that I understood his situation and that although the situation is bittersweet for us all, it was a reality we accept. Certainly as adults we all come to the realization that life throws us curve balls, and it's up to us to deal with them the best way that we can.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, 10am. I'm cleaning my kitchen when I get my usual Saturday morning call from my mom:
"Cautiously," she replied, before handing off the phone to my dad.
My dad and I discussed how easy it felt to immediately accept this woman's claim based on the number of coincidences her story presented. After all, he was both single and a sailor at the time, so this wasn't outside the realm of possibility. The last email my dad had received from her genuinely expressed her desire to know more about her roots, but only as much as her biological father was willing to offer with respect to his existing life and family. I read the email, and to me it sounded sincere. However, despite all of the evidence given, my parents, younger sister, and I agreed that a paternity test would be a natural next step in this situation before anything else.
Although it's not my decision on how my dad moves forward with the position he is now in, he has asked for my input, knowing that his next step or lack of will have some bearing on his immediate family. This would change things: how and to what degree is obviously unknown. In some ways I see this as another rug being pulled out from under me and my family, and yet I have managed to stifle my emotions and put a halt to my own speculations. We are, without a doubt, a tight-knit clan and when any of us reach a significant crossroad in our lives, we call on our immediate family for guidance or encouragement. Clearly my dad is in a somewhat awkward position and I made sure to assure him - as we always do for each other - that I will support him however he wishes to get through this.
In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder how remarkable of a story this would be if this woman is in fact my sister. For the 30-something years of my entire life, I've been "the firstborn," and for the past 27 years, I have been "the elder sister." To think that there are people out there who might not even know where they come from or who they are related to astounds me. When I was younger, I remember watching episodes on TV of Unsolved Mysteries about long-lost family members who reunited after decades of separation, and how strange I thought they must have felt about meeting a stranger with whom they shared a blood connection. Now, that could potentially be me and everyone else in my family, and it truly is a surreal feeling. Yet, if it turns out to not be that remarkable family story after all, then at least I'll have had the opportunity to record that brief moment of my family's history here.
At this point, it's a waiting game. Clearly, there are many questions to be answered on this end, but I'll be sure to post what my family and I feel comfortable with sharing as developments unfold.
Sure enough, at work on Friday one of our employees announced his relocation. Losing him bummed us out, particularly because business was running smoothly once he assumed a lead role. He executed his job above and beyond our expectations, and on a personal level we got to know him and ultimately grew a mutual admiration and respect for everything he did for us. We got over the sadness, however, since his move is a result of Vegas' horrible job market and his wife scored a sweet job in the Midwest. "That's life," I told him, pointing to the fact that I understood his situation and that although the situation is bittersweet for us all, it was a reality we accept. Certainly as adults we all come to the realization that life throws us curve balls, and it's up to us to deal with them the best way that we can.
Fast forward to Saturday morning, 10am. I'm cleaning my kitchen when I get my usual Saturday morning call from my mom:
Me: Hey, mom.Now when my mom says "I have something to tell you" it's usually pretty serious, so I stopped what I was doing and sat down.
Mom: Hi, what are you up to?
Me: Just cleaning house. What do you and Dad have planned today?
Mom: We're going to a wedding later at 5. How about you? What are you doing today?
Me: I have a baby shower to go to, then a barbecue in the evening. Nothing too crazy.
Mom: Ok, well have fun.
Me: Of course, Mom.
Mom: Hey, one more thing. I have something to tell you...
Me: Ok, what's up?My heart sank. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that my father, who I absolutely adore, had some adulterous affair that resulted in some love-child that was now attempting to encroach on my happy family. My blood began to simmer.
Mom: You might have another sister.
Me: Whaaat?!?My mom clearly sensed my anger brewing.
Mom: Hang on. It's not like that. We received an email from a young woman asking if your dad was stationed in Hawaii in the early '70s. She is the daughter of a woman your dad was dating before we were even married.Relief settled in, but was soon followed by pure bewilderment. If this woman is who she says she is, then why is she looking for our dad now? In all the years of my own existence, why hasn't there been any buzz of a possible long-lost sibling? I really had a million and one questions at that point but before I started asking them, I asked my mom, "How is Dad taking this?"
"Cautiously," she replied, before handing off the phone to my dad.
Dad: Hi, babe. Can you believe all this?My dad went right into telling me the story of receiving a random message on Friday that simply read:
Me: I don't know what to believe. This is all so... bizarre.
Hi,Anonymously, my dad replied back with an email that read:
I am looking for [dad's name] who was stationed at Pearl Harbor in 1974.
Even if you are not that person, could you respond to let me know? Then, I could continue my search elsewhere.
Thank you so much!
Please tell me the reason why you're searching for this person. Can you at least give me your parents' or grandparents' names, and where you have lived before?The young woman replied with some startling information. She named her mother, who turns out to be a woman my dad dated before he and my mom began their courtship. And lo and behold, her birth date was a tell-tale sign that she would have been conceived right before the break-up of her mom and my dad. She included other statements that contained minor details that my dad was able to confirm.
My dad and I discussed how easy it felt to immediately accept this woman's claim based on the number of coincidences her story presented. After all, he was both single and a sailor at the time, so this wasn't outside the realm of possibility. The last email my dad had received from her genuinely expressed her desire to know more about her roots, but only as much as her biological father was willing to offer with respect to his existing life and family. I read the email, and to me it sounded sincere. However, despite all of the evidence given, my parents, younger sister, and I agreed that a paternity test would be a natural next step in this situation before anything else.
Although it's not my decision on how my dad moves forward with the position he is now in, he has asked for my input, knowing that his next step or lack of will have some bearing on his immediate family. This would change things: how and to what degree is obviously unknown. In some ways I see this as another rug being pulled out from under me and my family, and yet I have managed to stifle my emotions and put a halt to my own speculations. We are, without a doubt, a tight-knit clan and when any of us reach a significant crossroad in our lives, we call on our immediate family for guidance or encouragement. Clearly my dad is in a somewhat awkward position and I made sure to assure him - as we always do for each other - that I will support him however he wishes to get through this.
In the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder how remarkable of a story this would be if this woman is in fact my sister. For the 30-something years of my entire life, I've been "the firstborn," and for the past 27 years, I have been "the elder sister." To think that there are people out there who might not even know where they come from or who they are related to astounds me. When I was younger, I remember watching episodes on TV of Unsolved Mysteries about long-lost family members who reunited after decades of separation, and how strange I thought they must have felt about meeting a stranger with whom they shared a blood connection. Now, that could potentially be me and everyone else in my family, and it truly is a surreal feeling. Yet, if it turns out to not be that remarkable family story after all, then at least I'll have had the opportunity to record that brief moment of my family's history here.
At this point, it's a waiting game. Clearly, there are many questions to be answered on this end, but I'll be sure to post what my family and I feel comfortable with sharing as developments unfold.
4 comments:
Well, if this woman ends up being your sister, look at the bright side -- more family. Assuming, of course, she's not the kind of person you'd want to avoid at family reunions. :)
It's funny because we haven't talked about this and I've been getting the same feeling. Of course since this happened to you it doesn't preclude more rugs being pulled so I'm still a little on edge.
Sara, Welcome to the club. I got an email inquiry 2 years ago almost word for word the same as yours. Answered yes I know those people and she responded that my dad was her dad too. Yea right. Until I went to her website and she looked more like my dad than any of us did. My dad was married to my mom at the time, oops. They did stay married, my mom was a saint. New half sister is adorable.
Wow! That's really something. She seems like she's pretty cool, though, and this may be a real blessing in a "more the merrier" way.
I have a friend who had a new half sister show up at his father's wake and a full-blooded sister who came out of the woodwork after seeing the father's obit. Seems his parents gave her up for adoption. Yikes, you never know...
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