I know. You don't have to say it: You missed me. Don't worry...I'm back on the blogging train for now!
Since my last blog post, some significant things have occurred amidst all the fun little things I've partaken in. I had mentioned some organizational changes at work that took place late April/early May, which eventually demanded much of my time as pressure mounted to juggle the evolving workload. This transition involved a leadership change and ultimately an executive decision to drastically alter the direction of our company, which then led to my lay-off in July.
Surprisingly, I was not at all sad about this event, nor was I as worried as I thought I would be in such a predicament. In fact, I felt that losing my job was a blessing in disguise. In the final months I remained there, I was growing increasingly anxious to leave that position. Despite the progressive spiral of the economy and, more significantly, the decline of the Las Vegas job market, I was beginning to feel the pressure of my own ambition. The role that I held with my former employer had become one with compounding duties incongruent to my existing staff, and drastic cuts to my budget and recruitment allowances. In retrospect, my salary was inconsistent with the amount of work I was tasked with, and yet I found myself confined to a position that was unrecognized for growth potential. For the first time in years, I was feeling stifled, professionally.
With that new found freedom came a lesson. I learned that I spent too many years allowing my work in corporate America to define who I was and left an open, gaping end to who I am ultimately to become. I am a business professional...I was an analyst...I was a manager. Who effin' cares?!? When people who really know me describe who I am, they will say I am an adventure-seeker, a traveler, or even just a plain old fun person. Who ever said that analytical work was fun (because it's not)? And sure, being a boss had its perks, but I can't say that I went home every day feeling satisfied about the projects I oversaw or the politics I had to regularly deal with. Jobs blow. I hate to admit that I allowed way too many work hours to overflow into my personal time, weekends, vacations, etc, because that pay sure didn't overflow into my time in need - my period of joblessness! Granted, those jobs did pay for the nice things I have and the exotic places I have seen, and yet the work was a burden. It's sad to say, but busting our asses is the uncompromising sacrifice us average joes and janes have to make in order to survive and even enjoy some of the nicer things in life.
So now, 3 months later, it's become a constant struggle to fend off the feelings of insecurity that have mounted in what seems like an endless search to rejoin the working community. To date, several dozen cover letters, applications, and several versions of my resume have reached countless employers, only to yield one decent interview that did not result in my favor. Looking for work is exhausting, and it's a full time job in itself. Lately it has become far more discouraging, as the end of the year is fast approaching and many of those I consider prospects are on a hiring freeze for Q4. I personally know that I don't suck as an individual, nor am I a bad worker. My education, work experience, track record, and professional recommendations speak to the type of professional I am. It's only a bit reassuring that I am not in the unemployment boat alone, but I don't like to justify my joblessness with a collective generalization about the nation's unemployment rate.
The one thing that has really gotten to me lately is how much I've cut back on being social. It's a nice thing to receive unemployment benefits, but it doesn't support my party and travel habits. Watching my savings dwindle and having to turn down social invitations is a hardening reality for me. Everything must now be carefully planned and budgeted for, which is somewhat painful but I'm getting used to it. My inability to freely go out to have fun defies my happiness; I am no longer as spontaneous as I once was. I think those closest to me have noticed a change. For a while I liked to joke that I am becoming a different person, but I promise that if I seem a little out of sorts, it won't be for long. I refuse to be redefined by this situation, nor will I allow any hardship to shake who I am!
With all that being said, I'd like to take this opportunity to say, "Yo, Universe! This extended "vacation" has gone on long enough. I'm ready to get out and earn my money again. I'm ready for that cool, new job you've been waiting to send my way! Thanks in advance!"
And thanks, Readers, you have saved me several hundred dollars in therapy by allowing me to get this all off my chest. Much appreciation goes out to my loved ones too! Even if I never work again, I know I'll have the wealth of love, family, and friendship from the people in my life.
One more favor for you all: think happy, positive thoughts that I get a job soon! Thanks!
