Monday, July 28, 2008

A Gym Story

Today, a young ambitious woman hit the local athletic club for her daily workout. Little did she know that a little over an hour from the time she left her office, she would be waging a battle against an unexpected foe.

The first phase of the workout was productive: 30 minute interval training consisting of easy 2-minute jogging intervals and 1-minute sprints in between. She achieved the adrenaline high she had been waiting for all day. Not totally satisfied, she moved on to the elliptical trainers for an additional 20 minutes of cardio. Several minutes passed, and with Marilyn Manson blaring on her iPod headphones, she reached a steady rhythm on the elliptical machine. Then without warning, it hit her.

The Right Hamstring tightened up just ever so slightly. "Hey," it called out, "Mind slowin' it down a bit there?"

The young woman ignored the pain, reassuring herself, "Tiger Woods won the Masters' on an injured knee - just work through this."

Aggravated by her determination the Hamstring intensified its warning, which caught the attention of the neighboring Gluteus Maximus.

"Can you believe this girl?" the Hamstring nudged and the pain flowed into the Glute.

"Hey, dummy! Girl! If you keep going, I'm gonna give you a whopper of a cramp!"

She reversed directions, took a big swig of water and breathed deep breaths with the hope that it all would urge the muscles to subside.

"I warned you!" screamed the Hamstring. The muscles seized and the young woman was forced to disengage.

Slowly, she lowered herself from the elliptical, and took very slow, labored steps towards an open area near a rail.

"Hahahahahahahaha," the Hamstring laughed maniacally. "I warned you, you bitch. That's what you get for working us to the max without feeding us first."

The young woman did recall the brief moment of panic between the office and the gym when she realized she failed to snack on her energy bar earlier that afternoon.

The Hamstring and Gluteus continued their combined assault as the young woman struggled to stay upright, leaning against the second floor railing, attempting to control her breathing. The pain was excruciating by this point, and her vision started to blur into a yellow haze.

The muscles refused to let up their spasms so quickly, and the young woman began her slow descent to the floor.

Two gym patrons nearby immediately came to assist her. They were asking her questions, but to the young woman, all she could hear were distant echoes. As they picked her up, she managed to whisper, "I just need to sit down." They helped her to the nearest chair, and she slouched down into it, her right leg still screaming with pain.

She stared at the glass window in front of her, the yoga class appearing like hazy yellow blobs of light. The young woman closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

"You ok? Looks like you're working out too hard there," one of the young men who lifted her off the floor spoke.

"Did you remember to eat anything before you started?" his companion asked.

The young woman slowly turned her head towards them and opened her eyes. "No Clif bar today," she explained softly.

"Ahh," the first young man said, "That's it then. Your body's mad right now - it's taking revenge."

The young woman turned her head back and looked at the ceiling. "Well then if that's the case, my body is an asshole." And with that statement, the pain in her right leg ceased and her vision returned to normal.

Moral of the story: Stock up on fuel pre-workout, otherwise your body will make you pay!

(True story! The subject of the story is perfectly fine now - a bit embarrassed, but definitely back to normal!)

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