Thanks...But No Thanks

Yesterday I received the following message on Facebook:

"I know that this is a pretty random email, but here it goes. I used to work at [former workplace omitted] with you and had somewhat of a "crush" on you. The problem was that I was too shy to even intoduce myself. I was a manager in Customer Care at the time and was mostly all business at work.

I'm curious to see if you remember who I am or not? I know that we passed in the hallways more then a few times.

So anyway, I was surfing around on FB and came upon your page. I figured I'd let you know and if at this point you do not think I'm crazy or wierd maybe we could meet up sometime?"

I haven't responded to this message, and doubt that I will. A few things crossed my mind while reading this. First off, what does "somewhat of a "crush"" mean? How many guys have I missed opportunities with because they were too shy? What number of people scope out social networking sites like Facebook to search for (or stalk!) crushes? Will Facebook ever institute a spell check tool in its messaging system?

As nice as this guy may seem, I wonder what compelled him to connect with me. It's been 3 years since I left that last job, so I find it hard to believe that any interest could endure or be reignited after such a long period of time. Also, I am apprehensive about being asked out via a social networking site or even online for that matter. It's not my style and quite honestly, a turn-off. Had this guy made an attempt to talk to me in person or pursue me at the old job, I may have considered it at the time.

Fortunately, my luck with guys has been quite nice lately, so I feel I can afford to be selective. I'm not the type to pounce on every male that shows the slightest hint of attraction towards me (of course the handsome and/or bold ones do get my attention, but I digress). Not that there's anything bad about this guy, but I'm simply not intrigued. Sadly, his chances are slim to none. Boys and girls: a word to the wise - don't squander any opportunity to go after something in the present, otherwise you might miss your chance forever.

Appearance Says A Lot About You

Tonight I will be attending a company holiday party. Woohoo! This means that I will spend the next three hours primping myself to catwalk standards. Yes, you read that correctly: three hours. Most people might react incredulously to this feat, but getting to what people see as the final outcome takes planning and most importantly, meticulous attention to detail. I am a female after all, who takes much pride in how I present myself to the world. Many of you would like to say that you could care less about what people think about you, but I think there is always a slight hint of self-consciousness in everybody about their appearance. I strongly believe that people make judgments about others from the way they look. I'll admit it - I'm totally guilty of judging, but only from first impressions.

When it comes to presentation, it's really not about style, because everyone's styles are different. However, the perceived amount of care that you put into how you look says a lot. Showering, grooming your hair, ironing clothes, etc. -those small details require time and energy, but are tell-tale signs that you don't neglect yourself.

A few of my female friends have revealed to me that they assess their boyfriend prospects by their shoes. Strange, right? Surprisingly, the logic behind that makes some sense. Shoes require thought when selecting them for purchase and also when coordinating them with an outfit. Maintaining them also requires some effort. Basically, old, ugly, dirty unmatching shoes equates to bad boyfriend material. Boys, take note: if you're looking for a girlfriend, check your footwear.

The Beauty of Men

My pal Linda Lou, writer/comic/human extraordinaire, co-hosts the Aging Nymphs Internet radio show on Wednesday nights, exploring the reality (and comedy) of a variety of topics. The show started off as a forum intended for the female demographic, but the Aging Nymphs have a pretty strong male following now, too.

The most recent show discussions featured what men look for in women. Starting this week, they are turning the tables and are polling the ladies with what they look for or appreciate in men. When I received an email from Linda Lou earlier this week asking for my feedback on that very topic, I could not resist. At first I had instinctively began with the superficial: good-looking, wealthy, owner of a luxury vehicle and sexy red speedboat...but then I got to thinking that when it comes to snagging a good fella, the material things are not important.

So what makes a great guy in my eyes? At his core, a man has to be considerate and have a heart. Additionally, here is a list of things that I think make up a quality guy:

• Confidence. The vast majority of men out there walk a fine line between confident and cocky. A good man knows how to NOT be a jerk, while being able to embrace his vulnerability. Guys who show severe signs of insecurity through their words and/or actions typically don't make the grade either.

• Stability. I would like to end up with a man with an unyielding sense of self, both mentally and emotionally. This is a guy who has his own identity, doesn't try to be someone he's not, is totally reliable, and accepts his past in order to make his future the best he can make it. He should have ambition and be sensible enough to know which dreams to chase.

• Social aptitude. Kudos to men who are able to carry themselves in any social setting and be able to connect with a woman one on one without being overwhelming or awkward. Men should not only be able to carry on a conversation, but also have some class. Guys who are socially inept are so unattractive. Women like the gentlemen, not dudes who hoot and holler at females to get their attention.

• Spontaneity. Guys, don't be stiffs. Seek adventure and try new things! Furthermore, I don't care what any woman says - ladies enjoy being romanced. A guy who catches us off guard and can sweep us off our feet every once in a while is sexy. I hate when I hear men say that it's gay if they act romantic. Honestly, guys, it's gay if you don't.

• Sense of humor. Laughter and happiness go hand in hand. A man without a good sense of humor is just plain boring, is likely without a personality, and is usually a waste of time.

• Intelligence. Nothing turns us girls off more than a guy who thinks he knows everything, when clearly he does not. A really smart guy is well-rounded, open-minded, knows when to chime in, and is aware of those times in life when words just aren't needed. Intelligence isn't about IQ's; it's more about appreciating life and all of the diverse things in the world, and showing real interest in all of it.

Ok, I know. These all sound like high standards, right? I like to think that I am a woman of substance, so simply looking for an exquisite male specimen with requisite penis is so yesterday. I realize that no handsome man exists with all of these characteristics, but a girl can dream. I'll settle for a dude with at least 3 of the above 6 qualities.

To hear more on this topic and what A.N. might have to say about my response, tune in to the Aging Nymphs show Wednesday at 8pm Pacific time via the Aging Nymphs web site. And for some good reading, check out Linda Lou's blog here.

Disclaimer: The above blog post is not an indicator that I am looking for a boyfriend. Think of it as a social experiment of sorts, simply exploring an idea...

Hairy Dudes Rule

Wednesday afternoons mark a new tradition: Happy Hour. And with Happy Hour comes experimentation. Today, this means surveying the local social scene; the question being: What do women prefer, hairy men or the non-hairy?

Approximately 60% of the females questioned answered that they prefer a little bit of fur, particularly because the absence of hair is an attribute to be left to the well-groomed female. However, a significant number of females did admit that the "sweater look", i.e. too much hair on the back and/or hairy genitals, is not very attractive. A well-groomed male is preferred but boys, take heed - waxing is a no-no. The chicks dig when you are manly. Chest hair is acceptable, and so is the hair on your head. Sadly though, for the older generation, white chest hair ain't so sexy. Sorry, grandpas.

When it comes down to it, primitive instincts prevail. From a scientific standpoint, when females are considering the ideal male to sire their offspring, they often look to the stronger, more dominant male. It is no secret that testosterone and a tinge of aggression attribute to optimal female-to-male attraction. The hairier the man, the more indicative the presence of testosterone, therefore the better he is a candidate to carry on the bloodline. The reality is that all men in general are hairy; those who are not probably shave/wax and are likely to be gay. Well, truly, that's just speculation.

One of the random girls interviewed said that hairy or not, it really doesn't matter - it's all about his dick. Quality of sex is the indicator. The only feasible response to that? Amen, sister. Amen.


Photo courtesy of Sharee